I searched through all of Oakowi's posts from pages 123-150, but could not find the referenced original. Maybe it got deleted for mentioning girls' names. Maybe I just suck at searching. But anyway, it's 90 degrees inside my apartment and I desperately need to get outside to cool off.

BTW, I can only express my profound respect and admiration for the wisdom, compassion, camaraderie, and humor exhibited by the longtime and frequent posters in this community. From studying GC's history, I am learning so much about myself, about community, and the joys and frustrations of being a pedophile.

For the past 25 years, my life has been largely solitary. Even before that, I wasn't very good at being "social". In fact, for most of my life, I've felt like an alien creature in a strange human body with a mind that I couldn't fully control. In a very real sense, even in old age, I'm still learning the basics of how to be "human".

I also ardently want to feel part of a community. The GC community seems as good a place as any to which to aspire to be a valued member.

Know that I am deeply ashamed of many of the harsh judgments that I have expressed in previous posts.

For far too long I've been ashamed of who I am. Consequently, I've lashed out at anyone or anything that would group me with those "horrid pedophiles". Now that my eyes are opening though, I am starting to acknowledge that I am one of those "horrid pedophiles". However, the most enlightening part is that being a pedophile is not something "horrid". By and large, folks here are smart, sensitive, and caring. I would love to learn to accept and honor myself as most of you do.

I realize that becoming a better person (is it even possible to become a better pedophile?) is going to take time. I realize that it will take time for folks here to believe that I am sincere. That is only natural. I can't make any promises beyond that I will try.

So thank you all for allowing me the chance to become "better".