Re: Yeah...

I agree entirely that we need to be sensitive to the needs of our girlfriends and wives. If somebody is going to commit to having a 'serious' relationship with somebody, they ought to devote as much time and energy into it as they can to ensure that it works properly and that both parties' needs are met.

At the same time, people need to understand that we do not live in an ideal world, and relationships do not always work as we would want them to. I am not saying that the answer to a dysfunctional relationship is to have an affair. Ideally, the partners could work things out and solve the difficulties. The fact is, however, that some people do not choose to do this, or find themselves unable to.

I have been married. I have had affairs. I have done things I now regret. I have also witnessed a lot of extra-marital activity around me. From these experiences, I maintain that it is better iff somebody is going to have an affair, to be as fair about it as possible. This entails either being totally open with the spouse about it (usually this is not possible) or making damned sure that the spouse and people that spouse is likely to come into contact with do not find out. Somebody who carries on indiscreetly brings shame upon the spouse and puts him or her in an untenable position. An affair conducted in private, however, can be brought to an end with much less pain and does not ultimately have to ruin the marriage. Is it right to do so? It makes no difference. I am not going to make a moral judgment of another's behavior. I do think that anybody considering such an affair carefully evaluate the risks and the options before blindly jumping in.

In the case of us child lovers, I think a crucial part of fairness towards our significant others is openness, which means coming out to them. Like any other relationship, such a relationship ought to be built upon honesty, and since it is such a significant part of our emotional and sexual identity, it is unfair to withold this from a spouse, who otherwise cannot understand the signals he or she receives from us.

I have no 'significant other' at this time. I was completely open about my orientation with my last one, and we remain close friends to this day. I do not feel in a position at this time, however, to try and balance my orientation with a partner who, as hard as I may try to express my love and receive hers, will have a difficult time feeling that she can 'satisfy' me.

I can make this decision for myself. I cannot make it for Innocence or anybody else. He asked for a specific sort of advice. I merely showed him a roadmap.