the Human Need for Love and Appreciation

I was discussing with a friend last night the question of why there are thugs who will commit actual crimes (the type of crimes that hurt other people besides themselves) for no good reason at all - that is, for no obvious benefit to themselves or anyone else. Crimes like vandalism, or theft of items that would greatly inconvenience someone else but are of no great value. Or, alternately, what could make a person so uncaring about others that they would risk the lives of others for some inconsequential gain to themselves?

Well, this friend is something of a reformed thug himself. As a young man, long ago, a local business owner picked him out as a good prospect, and offered him a job. He refused the offer the first time, but at a later time, when this businessman pointed out that he was wasting his time on "friends" who could never offer him anything but a free trip to jail, he took the job, went on to open his own business, and has been successful in a small way ever since - while many of his former friends have gone on . . . to jail.

So, when I posed this question to him, What could make a person commit a crime that would be of virtually no benefit to themself? he had an answer, because he had been there.

He told me, one reason they did it was to impress "friends" who could never do a damn thing for them.

He told me how, when he was 12 years old, he could be away from home for days at a time, and his parents would never even notice unless they ran out of wood for the stove. He had no support to speak of at home - so naturally he turned to the other boys who were unwanted at home - and those boys got into trouble, and got him into trouble. And he went along with it, because he wanted to impress his "friends" who could never do a damn thing for him.

But it only took one good man who treated him with respect, and helped him out, One good man who recognized in this juvenile delinquent the potential of a fine man, to turn him around.

When I heard this, it brought back to mind an account I had read of others in similar situations - young men in bad neighborhoods who did awful things they didn't even want to do, because they were trying to earn the respect of local criminals that everyone in the neighborhood seemed to respect - because they wanted to show how "bad" they could be. It also reminded me of a news article I read once of an elementary school that, maybe 20 years ago, implemented a policy of having someone on hand to greet every student by name when they arrived at school every morning . . . and later discovered, after tracking down where their students had gone, that those students were significantly less likely to end up in jail than students who had attended other, similar schools in the same district.

How important is it that a child feel loved and appreciated? How important is it that a child knows a place that they can call home? Apparently very important indeed.

When we look at the situation of blacks in the United States, we can find some truly horrible consequences of the misguided War on Drugs, but we can also find some truly horrible consequences of a misguided War on Poverty.

Because of the way Welfare has been administered in the U.S., rewarding mothers who are not married or otherwise permanently partnered, a disproportionate number of black children have not grown up with the support structure and the sense of home that they need to become responsible citizens. It is not surprising that crime is disproportionately high among blacks, because that support structure and sense of community has been ravaged. When the War on Poverty began, 1/4 of black children were illegitimate. Now, 2/3 are - and it seems to be a direct result OF the War on Poverty.

But it gets worse - If the War on Poverty has destroyed that sense of being loved and appreciated that every human being needs, it has directly contributed to an increase in crime. As recent theories would hold, crime is a major cause of poverty, so if the War on Poverty causes an increase in crime, it will necessarily follow that the War on Poverty will cause an increase in poverty.

Thus, just as Prohibition (a "War" on Alcohol) changed American drinking patterns, leading Americans to drink more alcohol, and especially more hard liquor; and just as the War on Drugs has lead Americans to use more drugs, especially more compact, "harder" drugs; so has the War on Poverty increased Poverty. (I would note that Poverty in this sense is more social than material - thanks to an incredible number of advances in technology, material poverty has decreased since the War on Poverty began - but social poverty, meaning isolation, depreciation of human worth, and the violence and other evils attending it, has increased.)

It is also noteworthy that this works in two directions. Not only are the poor isolated, less loved and appreciated than in the past, but in turn they have less reason to love and appreciate those who would help them than in the past. As one example, I know of a doctor who for many years offered free medical care for the poor - and his non-paying patients loved him for it . . . but over time the government started providing medical care for the poor, and now since he is required to provide medical care for them (through the taxes he pays), his non-paying patients do not appreciate the benefits they receive but perceive it as a "right" due them. He retired early, feeling unappreciated and unloved by those he had served so long.

Based on America's past, it seems certain that the War on Terror (at least as it is being prosecuted now) will lead to more Terror, and the War on Pedophiles will lead to more Pedophilia. ;-)

The question now, is, how can we reverse this? How can we re-establish a virtuous cycle that reinforces good behavior? Well aside from the political side (more major reforms of Welfare, if not the abolition of the same), we need adults to take a more positive role in children's lives, making sure that every child knows they are appreciated and loved - that they count in this society, and that they have a place they can call home.

Unfortunately, the present "War on Pedophiles" interferes with this. Not only are those of us with the greatest interest in the welfare of children prevented from giving children the love and appreciation they need, but the whole mood of society has become so dark that even teleiophile adults who would like to help children are frightened of doing so. Already, starting in the early 1990's, a trend of increasing violence among girls was established (about the time that the girls who had been small children during the witchhunts and moral panics of the 1980's became adolescents), and I fear that this will continue as long as the "War on Pedophiles" continues.

The prospect for the United States is not good, unless change begins very soon. If I were a religious person, I would say that the United States is the Babylon spoken of in Revelations - a society that loves murderers and thieves, and despises love and kindness. I would see the Church in the United States (both Protestant and Roman Catholic) as the anti-Christ - a usurper to the throne, that pretends to uphold God's law while acting against it.

It turns out that Love is not just a nice thing, it is a necessary thing for any society that is not going to tear itself apart - and America has abandoned Love.