Long past GM

This took place many years ago but the memory is anchored in my mind, a memory that I will cherish all my life.

J was within my AoA but her six year old sister A was very much my focus. Except this day. The five of us had just finished a nice afternoon at the beach: sand in our shorts, on the car seats, in our ears, everywhere. Son and daughter were in the back with A chatting about odds and ends, ignoring the highway speeds that we were zipping past the scenery with ignoring me and the soft 80s music I had drifting with the air conditioning to my face and ears. J was in the passenger seat, up front with me. She was sleepy but watching the blur of trees and telephone poles passing. I saw her head nod a few times. So I asked her if she would like to lay down, curled up, on the seat and sleep. She had a normal 10 year old height and the Ford LTD had wide seats but not wide enough for her to curl comfortably. So, my lap was used as a pillow while I drove. She grabbed my right hand, tucked it near her chin and neck and then plugged her own thumb into her mouth. With the gentle sway of the highway and the cool breeze washing her with urges to sleep, she closed her eyes. Her dark brown hair flitted about, dancing about her face, lifting into the breeze, touching my arm. I drove on but my attention was the warm, soft cheek lightly squeezing my hand.

A mile or so went by and the three youngsters in back were fully engrossed with new sea shell collections they were bringing back home. J was sleeping soundly and I slowly eased my hand from her chin to her shoulder. I gave the shoulder a light squeeze and then began a slow, soft massage, moving down to her arm then back to the shoulder. For 20 miles I caressed her shoulder and arm. She was a beautiful child with an angelic face, that beautiful dark brown hair reaching just to her shoulders, a slim and straight figure, but a personality that foretold a tough adulthood.

We all were living in the stereotypical trailer park and J was developing the attitudes that come from places like that. Js father was long gone; J and A probably had different ones. J was rapidly becoming a selfish little brat but not yet enough to cause me to take advantage of it. I was at the stage of appreciating her boyish butt, her curved calves, and her childish feet, but still enamored with her younger sister. They had a 15 year old sister who, from my observations, was tricking for cigarette money and I could see that J was headed that way. Still, though, at this time in her life, J was still a child lovers dream. Yet, in spite of later charges against me and her police statements, I never once was inappropriate with her. I tell you this from the distance of time, the fact that I was well, you can see from my disclaimer below, that I have finished all the unpleasantness and, as such, have no reason to lie about it. Fact is, I never did anything out of line with her. Nor, oddly enough, did I want to. And, because my convictions were due to another incident with someone else, the charges that came from Js lies about me were dropped. The prosecution correctly deduced that J was attention getting because of all the questions being asked of everyone.

My memories of her are still artistic in nature. Even after all these years, over 20 of them now, I can see her romps in the sand, her body-flings into the surf, her wet hair clinging to her chin, and I can hear her squeals as a rogue wave catches her from behind. I knew why that thumb was sucked when she was sleeping. I knew why she loved being with me, with my kids, away from her home. I knew she craved attention. Her mothers boy friend was in prison because of charges he had been inappropriate with J. He probably had been. But I had not. So, I have sharable memories of her that, here, I am offering you.

Regarding this post and every post I write about myself describing my past, be advised that I was tried, convicted, sentenced to a very long time in prison, and I served the complete sentence. Be further advised that I am no longer practicing illegal activities today and that I refrain from doing so by my own choice, not from fear of legal entanglements or society's outrage. I remain crime free because I choose to.