GirlChat #722880

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Heart is heavy, head is hung

Posted by balto on Sunday, February 04 2018 at 3:42:04PM

- Will I see you again?

- Did I say the wrong things? Was I too emotional?

- I want an excuse to go and rescue you.

- I know you and I see things the same way. I won't forget those moments. I won't forget the things you said that opened my eyes.

- I'm a non-joiner in an insecure fascist society. I don't drive a car. I don't dress up. I don't want excess money. I keep to myself and make art.

- I'm loved by the young, and hated by the rest.

- I love your company and crave it. I can't completely explain how or why, but it is so. They may think that you're ignorant or you don't care, but they're completely wrong.

- I love you so much I could eat you. :)

- And that DOES mean something to you.

- There is a problem when you get slapped: it breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. Who on earth could ever lay a hand on you? Your mother. Your father?

- You found my source of desire and you learned how to trigger it. And you understood it. That scared me, so I needed to defend us:

- Before something illegal happened, I needed to make it known to your parents at least that I felt an attraction to you - in self-defense; this way, I'm not the sole one accountable, and they can monitor us as they like so that shit never hits the fan in a way that ends up tragic.

- Think of it as insurance, opening a door for us. I needed to get more people on our side somehow. I got one - an important one. (My Dad.) With enough time, your parents will come around . . . but I need YOU for that. And you are not ready to self-advocate to them just yet. Give it a couple years, and we may have a winning argument.

- I'm just keeping us safe. And, I managed to do it without betraying your part (your discovery of your sexuality) to your parents. Kudos for that?

- As a side-effect, while your parents are getting over the fact that I didn't tell them up-front at - what - 16 years old that I was attracted to young girls, we may not see each other for a little while.

- Maybe that's their right, to feel upset about that for a time. I do not agree that I had a moral responsibility to let them know, of course, but I can't say how I'd feel personally if I was in their shoes. It's uncharted territory we're in now.

- But the missed opportunity to see you makes me burn with rage.

- And sadness.

- Lights out.

~ Woof Woof !!

~ Rainbow Loom

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