I did find someone new: Gunner, potentially Gunner's classmates, friends, cousins... But that doesn't mean I don't want Rroma. I am very disappointed at Raccoon for some of the things she did (about my ideas about Gunner) but I also talked with her this week. And I realized that I was just lying to myself when I said I wouldn't take her back. I would. I also went out with Cousin a couple weeks ago: and again in spite of everything I'd take her back. New girls aren't just substitutes for older girls. I love Gunner to bits. I truly believe Gunner is the girl I've ever loved most; who deserves my love the most; and with the best chances that we marry when she's legal of all the girls around me. But my love for Gunner doesn't mean I have stopped loving other girls, and it never will.

I also don't really believe it's inevitable. My relationships with Cousin, Raccoon and Thatcher have changed and evolved; and a lot of it is, sure, because they grew up. But how they change isn't identical. In important ways I'm now closer to Thatcher than I ever was before. In some ways the relationship between Cousin and me is broken irreversibly; in other ways it's also more sincere than it ever was. So it really isn't too predictable how relationships change.

Did I contribute something to her future success? You may think I'm being too harsh on myself, but I truly believe that no, I did not. Or if I did, I did too little. And some of that, maybe most of it, was my own mistake. Not hers, not her family's, not society's.


On the other hand, I agree with you entirely that such an enrichment ought to be a Girl Lover's goal (footnote); that the memories are themselves a great payoff; and that we can be stronger and wiser out of those experiences. I just refuse to treat becoming distant as inevitable.



(footnote: in fact, my disagreement with Raccoon was over how I wanted to help Gunner more than she, Raccoon, thought Gunner deserved or was capable of taking on)