I don't know your age and I'm not asking you to post it publicly, but it sounds like you have been in the "immersion class" of girl love. From what you've shared, you are clearly trying to learn from the experiences you've had. I'm speaking as someone with 30+ years of varied experiences, from the heartache of lying on the floor in a fetal position weeping over immense loss that I wasn't prepared for, to the joy of watching someone graduate college and give me a "thank you" KOTL.
So my blathering above was merely trying to relate things that worked for me, and ideals that I think we should all try our best to incorporate as we acquire the wisdom that comes from experience.
Some younger people will tend to see the following assertion as snobbery or the like, but those of us who have been here a long time truly do remember feelings and beliefs now expressed by other younger GL'ers. No, it doesn't mean that the conclusions WE came to later must work for others, but if we kept them to ourselves and didn't tell what we've come to believe now, it would be a lot of extra footwork for some to reach a similar conclusion for themselves.
You're doing it right. You're feeling it out. You're doing it honestly. It's your own journey. And yes, you will reach a place with more wisdom about your past encounters and self-tips for the future. We all do.
The joy is in the journey ('cept the weeping in the fetal position parts).