Thought I'd pop in and say hello (and a GM?)

I haven't been here for a long while, probably a couple of months. Somewhere along that line, I got overly paranoid, and just avoided anything to do with GL whatsoever. I've been occupied with various things in my life, and so I've been distracted about things other than LG's for a bit. I'm sorry I haven't been around. I didn't realise how much I missed the community until I signed on tonight. It's good to have a place to come back "home" to :)

It's sort of sad. For a while there, I was too distracted to think much about LG's. I've been harboring a crush on a girl at my High-School who's 14 (though who I've had 0 interaction with and most likely doesn't know I exist), and I was beginning to wonder if perhaps, just maybe, my AoA was spontaneously going up (14 used to be pushing it, for me). While I try to appreciate who I am, it does get terribly lonely and depressing sometimes, as I'm sure most everyone here understands to some degree. I've said it before -- if "the cure" came in a pill form, I'd take mine without thinking twice. Hell, I'd take two, just to be sure. I don't think I hate myself as much as I used to over my pedosexuality, but it still makes life hard.

Anyway, my feelings for little girls faded for some time, and I occasionally wondered if this was an actual change of any sort. I went on living my life as normal, and things were going fine.

A while ago though, I went to the library to browse various titles, and after finally finding the various ones I wanted, I headed toward the checkout desk. Coming to a stop near the back of the lineup there, I noticed a LG, probably about 9 or 10, standing to the side of the line. She had naturally highlighted sandy blonde hair, an attractive pre-pubescent shape, and was wearing a heavy black skirt that went to just above her kness. She turned around and looked at me with these huge, beautiful doe eyes, and after half a second (an eternity) of being totally lost in how spectacularly mind-blowingly beautiful this young girl was, I realised to my slight embarassment that I had probably just taken her place in line.

"Oh, are you in line?"
"Ha ha, yeah."
"Oh, sorry for taking your spot."

She smiled, and I stepped back a bit to let her get in line again. A minute later, she said "Actually, I have to get something, so don't worry about it" and glided off.

I was on cloud nine checking my books out, and walking out of the library I was trying to reconstruct her perfect face in my mind. It occurred to me that no, my AoA hadn't gone anywhere, I still have this attraction to minors, and yes, I'm probably going to have this forever, and that's sort of sad because my life does get lonely, but at the same time it's okay, I suppose.

It's nice to have a place to come and talk when I need it, and I'm glad you're all still here.

--Splinter