But these types of feelings are SO important and are SUCH personal decisions, we can not make that universal judgment. We sure ought to pay close attention and take any possible negative consequences presented by the specific situation seriously, but again those are far enough away from being universal that the universal judgment is wrong enough in enough cases that we shouldn't be making it.

I appreciate that careful formulation and the recognition that there can be bad consequences. But can you honestly say that your attraction to children has no role in that judgment? You magnify any bit of sexual pleasure a child might get and minimize harm and regret? I realize those are leading questions...

I know a classic case is the girl who is neglected and maybe even unloved at home and the pedophile comes in and provides what she has been lacking and she adores him. So is she better off with that relationship (including sex) than without it? Conceivably she is -- some adult women will evaluate childhood relationships that way. But it's the wrong comparison. The comparison is the pedophile who provides love and support but scrupulously makes sure nothing sexual ever happens. If you're going to replace what parents should provide, then do it right -- parents don't do sexual things with their kids.

My niece and I being separated and her being left ignorant about it represents a very cruel disregard for the both the child and the adult in question and is an example of how making that universal judgment based on stereotyped assumptions and seeing it most conveniently for those who do the judging (typically not legal judges but just moralistic bystanders) rather than "worthy of careful attention" hurts way more people than it helps in ways that are subtle as well as explicit.

I may have glimpsed some of your story in passing on this board but don't recall the details. I will say that if you let something sexual start between the two of you then you won't get much sympathy for me about what's happening to YOU. If you have a platonic relationship but you were identified as a pedophile and they're now keeping you apart, more sympathy then, but surely letting your attraction be discovered was asking for trouble in this day and age. We've got to think these things through from end to end.

My niece and I being separated and her being left ignorant about it...

I agree that is probably not a good thing. But that's quite different from saying it is sometimes OK to start sexual relationships. You can be against sex with kids but disagree with society on many aspects of how the situation is treated. I have a position in the middle here. I also think that if a relationship is discovered the girl should be free to decide for herself how she feels about it. Sometimes I think that until she decides she has been wronged there should be no prosecution, though I realize there are some good arguments against that too in terms of deterrence. But maybe she'd be more supportive of it if she knows she was an enthusiastic participant at the time and the penalty was 6 months in prison and a clean slate rather than 10 years in prison and a lifetime on the registry.

Keep in mind that a lot of what I'm musing about here would be shocking to most of society. Maybe if some prosecutors and therapists talked to me for a while about what really happens I'd take a less lenient stance -- but still nowhere near what society does now.