Why???? (rant)

* I'll use Lenore as the name of my LGF here. *

OK, this is a ranting post, so you don't have to read it. Don't bother. I've been bothering people at GCC about this already, but anyway - here it goes again.

So, after 4 weeks of being with Lenore (I mean - literally with her, we've been together for more than a year, known each other for 2 years, but she lives in a city 150 km from mine), I returned home at July 18th.

Nothing but depression since.

And last night I talked to her on the phone. She said that she is going to a family friend out of town. Now, I know that family friend. Male, 40-ish, maybe even 50, most likely a pedo. Or he seems like one. Has a large house, he's pretty rich, and hasn't been married. And - Lenore is going to his place (alone, noone else is coming with her) for 3-4 days.

Few months after I met her, it was perhaps Sep-Oct 2001, she talked to me about him. She said that she loves him very much and that he also loves her. She alse talked about how rich he is, how great his house is, blah blah blah. She also mentioned that, when she visits him, they sleep in the same bed. I remember that. So, is Lenore sleeping in the same bed with him now????????

It's 5:50am here... She was supposed to send me a SMS message when she went to bed. Why didn't she? What kept her occupied? She forgot about it?

What is she doing right now???? I just cannot get the images of two of them sleeping together out of my head. Why the fuck is she doing this??

After all I've been thru for her... After all the time, money and effort I spent on our relationship... She cannot even send me a 5 cent worth SMS??? Oh, yeah, I forgot, she's busy doing other stuff right now.

I don't care if he is a 'comrade Girl Lover'. I hate him.

Yeah, I forgot the hug/kiss Lenore gave me when I was saying goodbye on July 18th... Barely hugged me with one arm, and a kiss that lasted less than a second.

And when she was saying goodbye to him after he visited her family on one occasion... Well that was a goodbye that lasted few minutes... FUck it, I hate this world!

Heh... After all we've been thru... My entire family found out that I am pedophile because of our relationship (though I haven't confessed)... Including aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc. EVeryone. What they think of me? I didn't care. I had my LGF that cares. All my friends also found out, and the word spread to half of the city. I didn't care. I am gonna move in to live with my LGF in about a month. Simply leave the city. Now am I? Why the fuck did this had to happen?

I'm 18.... 2 years is way too much time for me. I've been madly in love with her for 2 years. Noone else. Just her.

"Why do people always try to separate us?"

She asked me that few months ago. I dunno why I mentioned it here...

Maybe I am overreacting, but look at the facts:
- SHe is spending 2-3 nights with someone I could say I'm 90% sure he is a pedo.
- In the same bed, probably
- SHe's going there alone (as always) - without her parents, brother or sister
- She already said that they love each other (almost 2 years ago, but whatever)
- The guy always insists to get a kiss when he comes over/leaves. Only from her.

My god, isn't that enough?? Am I just paranoid/uncontrollably jealous/blah??? Or am I perhaps right???
Oh, I know I'm uncontrollably jealous. Extremelly. BUt I'm right about this one.

Last 24 hours were the worst 24 hours of my life. I dunno if things are gonna get better or worse in the next 24 hours...

Sorry for boring you people... This was mostly so that I can get this shit out of me... BUt anyhow, I'd like to know what you people think about the situation?

LOL! Winamp decided to play "Eminem - Kim.mp3".
At least something to laugh about.