Re: Parents and Peds - Complementary and Conflicting

This is interesting, and I have few complaints as far as it goes. But I think it is a very pedophilo-centric analysis.

From the parent's point of view, the world is full of people who could relate to their child in various ways. Some are in official capacities, such as police or public school teachers. Some are chosen, such as paid violin or ballet teachers, or volunteer sports coaches. A very important category is the child's peers. These peers come accompanied by parents and siblings. There are relatives of various ages, including cousins, uncles and aunts, and grandparents. And there are neighbors. Those are some of the categories as seen by the parents. Parents expect all of these people to be helpful to their child, or at least neutral. Certainly whenever I have been in one of those other roles as an adult, I have been aware of my duty to be either a positive or at worst a neutral influence.

Now, any of those people could be pedophiles. But let me break that down as well. All of these people could vary a great deal along the spectrum of how much they like children in general and are tolerant of their shortcomings. They may also vary in terms of how much they like a particular gender or age of child -- or a particular child. They may also vary in terms of how much it matters to the adult how the child reacts to them. The ideal adult doesn't expect to get much back from a child and doesn't feel offended if the child is indifferent to them or loses interest. Completely hidden from the parent in today's world is the degree of sexual attraction the adult feels for the child. Of greater interest is the extent to which the adult might act on whatever sexual attraction there is, a function of sexual interest but also self-control, empathy, etc.

That's how things look in upper middle class white eastern Pennsylvania.

My sense from reading this group for a while is that most of us identify with some rather specific traits in this landscape. We very much like children -- though this may be quite particular to a gender, age or specific child. We are aware of a sexual attraction to the child. And if only society had a more tolerant attitude and laws, most of us (not me) would be mightily interested in situations that allowed expression of that sexual attraction. I think there is also a tendency for it to matter much more to us whether the child likes us and wants to spend time with us or not.

From the parent's point of view, a girl lover does not come with a label attached. There may also be men who don't like kids all that much but would love to engage in sexual activity with them. There may also be some who just love kids as kids but have no romantic or sexual attraction.

In today's world, of course, detecting a hint of sexual attraction will make parents go crazy. Even in a more pedophile-friendly world, I think a parent would definitely prefer that an adult not have a romantic or sexual interest in their child. While perfect girl lovers might never let their own desires and needs get in the way of doing what's best for the child, not all girl lovers are perfect, and the world of men who are intensely interested in children contains others whose very aspirations are less noble.

I don't think that most parents would put much stock in the idea that girl lovers have an adoration and deep caring for girls that is not found elsewhere and is also good for the girl. I also think the idea that girl lovers understand a child better than the parents is a distortion brought on by romantic attraction.

Parents are not going to be entering into bilateral negotiations with girl lovers, even in principle. We are just one small part of the landscape of adults they see.