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The bright side

Posted by rainbowloom on Sunday, May 27 2018 at 6:31:32PM

1. Better to have loved and to have lost than to never have loved at all.

2. Nobody believes there was any child abuse. Just that the relationship got "out of hand".

3. My parents did eventually backpedal from their ultimatums and welcome me back into their lives, and I have mostly forgiven them for kicking me out in the first place. So at least I kept my immediate family after all.

For a while I was acting as though other parties (including my parents) ought to be getting involved in the situation in my defense. I since have realized that this was a misguided attitude - that the real source of conflict is the sudden and extreme dissolution of trust between myself and my LGF's parents, and that no one else ought to be compelled to take sides in the matter. Even so, although not explicitly appearing to disrespect my LGF's parents' decision to end my relationship to their kids, my parents have stayed involved on a more implicit basis as "damage-control", making sure her parents continue to avoid taking any extreme actions that would hopelessly exacerbate my position.

There is still time. Time heals. I do not believe that I will never see these people again for the rest of my life. We have a history. The incestuous attraction and romantic relationship between a young Uncle and Niece comes with an impressive shock factor, but I do not really believe that the damage here is permanently irreparable. Some day, when the dust has settled, I hope that there is an opportunity for me to come back into my LGF's life - without the burden of secrecy.

If there was ever any hope of that happening, the secret needed to come out. I knew that when it did come out, there would be real, serious repercussions in terms of family dynamics. I knew that it should happen sooner, rather than later, because the longer things continued as they were, the more deception would take place, as well as the increasing risk of an untimely "discovery".

There was no future point at which the "timing" of the outing would make it a non-issue, because the stigma of incest.

My family naturally has no idea how to treat the relationship in this new context. They may never.

When she's 18, we can do what we want and they would never need to know. Until then - as unfair as it may seem - they have the right to intervene as they see fit.

To try and deny them that right would be doing permanently irreparable damage to my relationship with my LGF's family... and - aside from how they might respond to enforce the intervention - I don't think I could morally agree with taking such action.

Difficult times though these may be, I still love these people all each in their own right.

I don't want to insult anyone, even if I see it as a retaliation.

Over time - in due time - I think that my LGF will end up respecting my decisions. I think that she will end up still loving me as a person. And I hope that she does not resent her parents for separating us.

Sure: to not impose any kind of consequence and to allow us to continue seeing each other is - I believe - the morally and ethically correct way to proceed... knowing what I know.

But they do not know all what I know.

And to expect them to have enough faith so as to do what almost no one in the world would elect to do - even though it may be what's right - would be an unfair expectation on my part.

GC: please know that although sometimes I relapse into despair, it is but an echo of the despair I felt before. I am safe and supported and reasonably content. I am on the path to somewhere better.

I apologize if my negativity has negatively impacted any of you in the meantime.

~ Rainbow

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