Definitely NOT a GM

Do you ever get the feeling that some higher power is watching over you, doing its damnedest to make your life a total misery? After today I'm beginning to believe it.
For those people who haven't kept up with the exciting story that I've participated in over the last few months then search the archives for my posts "PLEASE HELP! Is it possible to walk away" and "An Update on My Situation". The next chapter is presented here but dont complain to me if you get depressed reading it.

As the scout meeting was cancelled last week it has been 2 weeks since I last saw S, my 11yo girlfriend, so I was really looking forward to seeing her again today. Two weeks ago I gave her a valentines card and so I was anxious to see what she thought of it and, perhaps more inportantly, whether the parents had seen it. The journey home that I make to see her consists of a bus into the city, 2 trains, and then a bus to the scout building. Blow number one came when I got into the city only to realise that I'd left my keys at home, meaning I wouldn't be able to open the Scout HQ once I got there and so wouldn't be able to have any "alone time" with S.
Foolishly, I got back on another bus home but traffic delays slowed everything down, as well as the fact that more people wanted to use the public transport system when I was in a hurry than any other time I'd seen before. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I ended up 1 hour delayed getting on the first train. This was compounded by the fact that a) some children chose that time to play on the tracks and b) once we did get moving there were further delays at a station where someone decided to throw a stone at the window.
Well finally I got to Scouts 45 minutes late, with no chance of getting to spend some time with her alone but that was fine. After all, even supervised contact is better than nothing right?

As I got in there I found that my entire journey had been in vain - she wasn't there. Not to worry I thought, she's probably had to go and do something else and couldn't make it this evening. The evening went as usual, played a few games, did a bit of testwork and then after the final game, as I was tidying up, the Scout Leader, (and S's foster dad) called me into the office for "a word". I followed him in and he closed the door, before reaching into his pocket and producing a piece of paper. He unfolded it and showed it to me.

It was my handwriting, something I'd forgotten I'd even written. I'd given it to S months ago before we suspected the parents were onto us. It contained my addresses, phone numbers, email addresses and every way for her to contact me. At the bottom it said "Please don't hesitate to get in touch cos I'd love to hear from you as often as possible, love (foreverman) xx". With hindsight I realise it was stupid of me to think she would ever contact me out of scouts, given the kind of parental constraints she was subject to but we all make mistakes.

Here follows a rough transcipt of the resulting conversation :

DAD: Whats this?
(long pause)
ME: Uhhh....... its my address.
DAD: And what about this? (indicates closing sentence)
(my stomach starts a gold medal winning gymnastics routine and my head can only mutter "ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit.....")
(long pause)
ME: ...........
DAD: It doesn't look very good you have to admit
ME: Well errr no.....
DAD: You know what she's like! She's only 11!!! I don't want to get into an argument with you but the wife has been going on about this so I had to say something you understand?
ME: Yeah I suppose so. (finally gets control of head) I was only humouring her you understand. Though maybe it went a bit too far.
DAD: She was going to bring you a card this evening that said "I miss you loads, I love you etc etc" so we decided not to let her come to scouts tonight. Please, no more ok?
ME: uhh yeah ok.

And that was it. In a single minute the only good thing in my life was wrenched from my life. I dont know whether they intend to keep her from scouts indefinitely or just for that week. Its possible I might never see her again now unless I do some serious "going behind the parents back". On the other hand if she continues to go to scouts I have to stay away from her and at the most be friends only - which will be unbearably painful. Next week I'll probably have to break up with her properly, while explaining that I still love her more than anything else in the world but that it'd be impossible for us to carry on as we have been. Its going to take me months to get over this I'm sure.

Oh, just to make matters worse - on the way home my second train was cancelled so I had to take a 2 hour detour home, finishing up getting back at about 1am. For a short while it seemed like I was to be stranded in a strange town (just to round off the day with something nice) but luckily there was another route so I didn't have to. I was beginning to think there was a conspiricy against me at that point!

Standing on the platform I came closer to suicide than I've ever come before. As the train approached I was thinking "Just one jump now and it'll be over" but being the loser I am I couldn't go through with it.

God I'm so depressed. Any thoughts welcome.
TTFN
Foreverman

Definitely NOT a GM - an update