Phone call tonight (any ideas?)

Bro wanted me to call him. Naturally I'm going to listen to his concerns if he has any, and do my best to make sure he leaves the conversation with fewer.

As part of that, I want to try and portray my sexuality in a positive light.

Trying to come up with things to say. So far:

- As part of being attracted to young girls, my sexual and romantic desires are much more pure and innocent. A lot of male sexuality towards women these days strikes me as very vulgar and overly intense; I don't really have many (usually any) feelings of that nature towards girls I find attractive. I experience more of a "crush" or something like that. So it's not so much that there's this "inappropriate" "adult" sexuality being directed at kids, and more so that I am, myself, "still a kid" in a romantic, sexual, and more generally speaking an emotional sense.

- As such, I tend to connect extremely well with kids (especially young girls) emotionally. One reason that happens is because they become aware of that really strong emotional response I experience for them. I actually have a ton more empathy for kids than most people do: if a child gets slapped in the mouth for "talking back", most people nod their heads like, "Oh well, that's a thing that happens" - but every time I hear about something like that, it actually can break my heart into a million pieces.

- It goes both ways: a lot of young girls have crushes on me too. If you really think about it, it seems pretty natural for young girls to form crushes and other attachments to older guys growing up. It's not usually the case though that the guy will reciprocate that - which I do, which would be why my relationships with them become so powerful. To them I'm like this hero figure.

- Those relationships are very fulfilling for me emotionally (and remember they're also very pure and innocent because the emotions involved are very pure and innocent - it's not like I'm a threat to them in any way. I have next to no experience being in an "adult" relationship, and I don't really have a desire to gain any such experience). I have in my heart a very strong drive to help, or even "save", children in general who are in difficult situations (which is why I wanted to become an ECE - I figured I could end up doing so much good in that position for kids in the community). Unfortunately, as you know, the schooling wasn't for me. But still that drive to keep up strong relationships with kids and be there for them as whatever figure they might need is actually so strong in me that if I don't have that, I get depressed and feel empty and useless.

- My nurturing instincts are also extremely strong. A study on minor-attracted men done recently demonstrated how, compared to adult-attracted men, their brains showed much more activity in the regions associated with nurturing and care-giving emotions (but not in the regions associated with sexuality) when they were shown pictures of baby animals.

- All of this is why I have been able to find such acceptance among friends and family: upon explaining to them all of this, most people seem to think it's just cute and sweet.

- And all of this is why I didn't feel compelled to tell you sooner - because I felt confident that I would never be a danger or a threat and so deserved every ounce of your trust; because I and others of our family did not know how negatively you might react and believed it to be best for me and for your daughter to withhold that information, so that the very special connection she and I had was in the best position to be preserved for as long as possible.

- Our stepmom, when I first came out, said this: "I don't feel the need to tell (you) at all, because I would have no problem with you babysitting his daughter."

- Our father, in a discussion about my relationship with your daughter, said this: "We (my wife and I) are withholding the information from (you) for (your daughter's) sake and for your sake."

- Our sister, in a random conversation, said this: "PROMISE ME you will NEVER tell (you or your wife)."

- My mom said this: "Don't you EVER tell (you or your wife)."

- I was basically a kid; I listened to their advice. Then they turned around on me after Christmas and threatened to tell you themselves in what I would imagine to be a very sensationalist and inflammatory way. Our Dad, out of respect for me, tipped me off and gave me the opportunity to get there first because we thought it would be better coming from me.

Please don't shut me out of your kids' lives now.

Compelling enough?

~ R a i n b o w l o o m